How to avoid mistakes in dealing with emotions

It seems like it happened to me a long time ago, in a previous life. And not just because of years ago (in the mid-90s of the last century), and because a lot of my life has changed since then.
I did not like what was going on: personal life has not evolved, at work, constant conflicts, frequent quarrels with friends and girlfriends, breaking up after this. I made the decision that much can not continue. So I went to a seminar for personal growth.
At the workshop, I realized that the cause of conflict in life is incredible turbulence and unpredictability of symptoms of my emotions. Indeed, I felt as if I was constantly in an active volcano, which wakes up on its own and starts spewing lava emotions out. And I left but ashes on the ruins of personal and business relationships. I decided that since the case in my emotions, then all must be removed. And these are my findings fueled colleagues on personal growth, "I love you very much hurt, and it is devastating. Get rid of it and everything will change! "And," Your anger and aggression is prohibitive for a woman. A woman should love. And, moreover, the man who personally decided to grow! " These erroneous findings led me to the beginning of the epic "cleanup" of my inner world of "unnecessary" negative. All of this was multiplied by my perfectionism and irrepressible activity. I struggle to forgive and learned to thank everyone, trying to get rid of their grievances. And how many iskolocheno pillows to release anger and rage ...
I really wanted to be happy. I wanted to communicate with people without conflicts and scandals. First, it bears fruit. Indeed, it became easier to communicate with their environment. Conflicts is much smaller. I tried to control my symptoms anytime and anywhere. Strive to be better, kinder, more forgiving and all thanks for absolutely everything.
My findings, confirmed by others, that emotional expressions - the cause of all my troubles have meant that I was afraid of his emotions. At any display of emotion I hogged practitioners themselves to get rid of them.
For all my efforts to be continued conflict. I again heard in the address accusations of temper. I began to retire, more and more, more and more came to mind that I was worthless, that I do not, it's all about just me, in my imperfection. This led to depression.
I wanted to get away from the problems, but in a circle came back. What does go away, that's what I came. This is the story of my mistakes.
I do not casually decided to share their personal experiences. It gave me the stories of my clients.
What is emotion? Let us, dear readers, to sort out this issue. Emotions - it is human reaction to events in the external world or internal (memories, physical discomfort, etc.). Depending on the personal characteristics of the person, his temperament, this reaction has a different characteristic. In short, the emotions - a signal of how comfortable situation for the physical and psychological well-being.
In other words, emotions and adapt to protect us. Therefore, the idea that actively promote "Get rid of the negative emotions!" From my point of view is wrong, and it will not work.
How can you get rid of that inherent nature as a protection and adaptation to the outside world? You can certainly try. But this will only lead to failure of the entire system and can even break.
In this idea, as in my first experience with the emotions, there is no understanding of why they were created by nature. This is the first thing. Second, the lack of understanding the causes of emotions and reasons of priority rights in these emotions.
We, as computer users know that if there is a failure in a program, you need to understand what causes the failure and correct the settings. And if we can not manage, then turn to a specialist, but do not throw out the computer in the trash. Many illiterate, like I used to be coming to our inner world, trying to drastic measures to change everything at once. And when it fails, throw up their hands and no longer do anything at all, saying, "I tried, but I failed. I'm good for nothing " What should I do in these situations?
Based on personal experience, I can say that one should start with self-knowledge: a study of themselves and their emotions. How do they arise? In what situations? What happens at this point with the body? What is the psychological state at this point? What you want to do? That strengthens and what weakens the emotional reaction?
Answers to these questions must be sought in person or through a specialist.
It is also important questions: "Why I defend myself emotions? What is my benefit be such that? "
The answers to these questions make it clear why it is profitable to be so and to show such emotions. If you are not satisfied with emotion, you must find other benefits associated with other emotions.
For example, an angry person anger helps break down the barriers to the desired result. If he deny his experience, without replacement by an equivalent "fuel", he can just lie down and do nothing. In this case it tantamount to "fuel" could be of interest, curiosity and constructive approach to the obstacles.
Offense - is the protection of their vulnerability, accumulated as a child from a lack of love. To change the perception of themselves and the world around touchy person must accumulate instead of resentment forgiveness and gratitude. Healing does not come immediately. This takes time, persistence, patience, and respect for themselves. As long as this is not done, it is useless to speak of openness to the world and of all will be open to greater vulnerability.
Ignorance, as manifested resentment and misunderstanding of her role in life creates a desire to be rid of her. Using the techniques of forgiveness and gratitude to the place and out of place, without contact with itself, lead to the fact that these techniques are forms of openness and acceptance become a form of attack and manipulate others.
There were, perhaps, you are people of gratitude, which wants to escape away. And from them: "I'm sorry" - feel guilty of all sins. This is just the victim of the notorious slogan: "Get rid of the offense!"
My first experience with the emotion has taught me that the blind use of methods does not bring results, and may even worsen the situation. But without that experience I would not turn to him and not be met with all the richness and variety of the manifestations of his inner world. Would not have recognized the potential of the forces that are placed in my emotions.
Each person is different, a manifestation of the inner world of each is unique. Methods for healing and transformation of emotions there are many. In your situation, work the one that suits you. Know which suit may after meeting with them and especially their emotional displays.
Productive you research and interesting discoveries!
Sincerely, Celestial Svetlana.